The Legend of Really Drunk Girl: Origins

Across time and space and throughout the anals of history there has been but one reoccurring story, told in many ways, within every culture, handed down through the ages with pantomime and shadow puppetry, and that my friends is the story of Really Drunk Girl.

It was originally thought that Really Drunk Girl was born with a genetic abnormality that gave her an unusually high tolerance for alcohol, because her liver contained seven lobes to everyone elses five, given that her mother was a raging alchy herself and typically drank a fifth of vodka a day throughout her pregnancy. Her father was reported to have frequented nuclear reactors and toxic dump sites in an effort to develop cancer and get with this hot oncologist babe.

It is now believed that Really Drunk Girl was actually born intoxicated. Empirical evidence has shown that the infant hit on her doctor and tried to 'freak' (from the latin-freakus, to get up ons) with the nurses.

But scholars and historians have come to learn that it was most likely in her late teens that Really Drunk Girl went from Drunk Girl to Really Drunk Girl in an accident with The Ooze and a scorpion bowl. Hieroglyphs have been discovered depicting A drunk girl and teenage turtles in a sewer. Scholars maintain that these are the same turtles that later became 'mutant turtles' fond of Renaissance artists and west coast surfer idioms.

Though it wasn't until RDG's early twenties that her super powers began to be exhibited. The ability to 'believe she was whispering when she was clearly not' was the first change. Then came the floor slap and tireless booty shaking. Before long RDG became impervious to pain and embarrassment. It wasn't too long after that Really Drunk Girl put her unique talents toward the fighting of 'crime'.

Until next time... this has been 'A Deep Search Into The Anals of History'

With your host,

Kathryn