Black Noah’s Ark: The Dark Ark’s Displeasure Cruise

It was an even darker and stormier night, and Black Noah set about to build ‘a dark ark’ for his BFF Satan. Black Noah worked day and night on the ark, well except for Wednesdays where he enjoyed some much needed “me” time. And after a few days the massive ark, which Black Noah loving dubbed ‘old skull splitter’ for his Nana, was complete.

Satan Von Thunder, (yes, Satan has a last name, it’s Germanic) was getting all antsy and shit to check out the big evil boat. So he ascended once more out of the irritable bowels of the Netherlands and appeared before Black Noah. “So, Black Noah, how’s my ark coming, how do you plan to get 6 of all the evil creatures on earth to board the ark, why aren’t you answering my txts, and would you like a Michelobe?” asked Satan. Black Noah quite irritated at all the questions barked back, “Dammit Satan, I’m just one evil man trying his best to please his Dark Lord friend, so all these questions aren’t helping with the epically redicu-evil task of getting 6 of each evil creature on the ark, so get off my back! And yes, I would just love a Michelobe!”

“Well…. fair enough, looks like you got everything under control here, keep up the good work, let me know when to start getting my flood on, and I’ll just be back in the Netherlands with ‘the guys’. It’s evil game night you know,” said Satan, quite sheepishly.

“Sorry for being curt with you, Satan, I just got a lot on my evil plate, and tell ‘the guys’ hello, and also ‘sweet sarsaparilla’, inside joke, they’ll get it.”

Though the task before him was great, Black Noah had a grand plan. He would invite 6 of each evil creature on earth to a diabolically evil 80’s themed party aboard the ark and just to make sure his plan was ironclad, he would get a keg. For everyone knows, evil creatures love 80’s themed parties and kegs.

….to be more evillier continued.