Black Noah’s Ark
It was a dark and stormy night, and Satan was feeling a bit blue. “This is more than a case of the Monday’s,” the dark Lord muttered to himself. Even a ‘blood of the innocent and orphan tear’ smoothie couldn’t cheer up this old curmudgeon. So he tore himself away from the boob tube and descended upon his old friend Black Noah (black on the inside not the outside). “Hey Satan”, Black Noah sighed, “you’re looking especially evil tonight.”
“Thanks, Black Noah, but this is sadness not evil you’re seeing,” Satan giggled.
Black Noah was a simple man, in that he preferred goth coloring books and evil tickle fights to the rest of the world’s ‘charity’ and ‘good will’, which he thought cheapened mankind and brought down property values. He viewed 'virtue' as the cum stain on the sundae of disappoinment. A Satan fearing man, Black Noah was faithful and resisted smiling and puppies, which caught the eye of the ‘Dark Ruler’ and they were soon BFF.
“Why are you sad, Devil?” Black Noah wondered.
“Everyone on earth is being like all good and shit, why there is no lying or killing or hustling or doggie-style anywhere” cried the Devil.
“Oh, snap,” Black Noah thought.
“ Listen BN, I have a decree,” Satan bellowed while spewing forth droplets of evil from his dark and cavernous salivary glands.
“Say it, don’t spray it” Black Noah silently grumbled "So what's the deal Satan?", he asked.
"Deal !?...., Black Noah, I'm the Dark Lord of the Netherlands, Progenitor of Evil, Embodiment of all Suffering and Payne, not some douche car salemen. I trade in death and tyranny not low interest rates or factory prices. This is an evil decree, spawned from the loins of fornicators and gluttons."
"Sorry, I forgot," Black Noah said.
“Silence!”, Satan wailed, “look Black Noah, I need you to build me an ark..... ‘a dark ark’ and fill it with 6 of each kind of evil creature and after that I will flood the world with every known variety of booze, malt liquor, and of course scotch.”
……to be evilly continued.
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